@Kyle_Lippert: A college girl sends a text to her BF who doesn't respond "Could this night get any worse?" unaware that an alien fleet approaches earth
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@PrettyInCamo11: The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" We just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.
@stephenjmolloy: *open up knapsack and a parachute comes out* Kid: But that means- *Dad is hurtling towards the ground with a sandwich and apple*