@Kyle_Lippert: A college girl sends a text to her BF who doesn't respond "Could this night get any worse?" unaware that an alien fleet approaches earth
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KevinFarzad: People are often shocked when I tell them I'm single because I scream it at them while sliding open their shower curtain.
@murrman5: [wife calls] did you write "make all the traps from home alone" on the calendar [me at hardware store holding paint cans and feathers] "no"
@Lisa_Laughs_: Do you like them? I made them from scratch. Do you want one? - me introducing my kids to strangers.
@Playing_Dad: If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he was probably really freaked out when we started