@MeetingBoy: "A computer keyboard has more bacteria than a toilet seat." I don't doubt it, given the shit my boss sends us in email.
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@aveuaskew: Keep salespeople from pestering you by asking what type of saw can cut through bone and sinew the quickest.
@AndrewNadeau0: Hats were invented in 1784 when a Canadian was too polite to ask a raccoon to get off his head.
@0point5twins: My ex left because I "lack imagination". "Yeah? Well you lack imagination!", I shouted after her.