@MeetingBoy: "A computer keyboard has more bacteria than a toilet seat." I don't doubt it, given the shit my boss sends us in email.
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@illTortuga: I asked my Ouija board when I was going to get a girlfriend and it spelled out HAHAHAHAHA until it caught fire.
@SamDelanche: I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
@GreenishDuck: You know that one cow in the field that's like 200 yards away from all his cow friends just doing his own thing? That's me. I am that cow.