@NikiWithIssues: A cool fun way to stop his snoring so you can finally get some sleep is to separate the head from the body.
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@trevso_electric: So many mixed messages in the media. Titanic tells us "never let go." Frozen says "let it go." Smdh
@Playing_Dad: [Cops at crime scene] Cop 1: Criminal scum. They must have taken every single toilet. Cop 2: Wow, they really left us nothing to go on.
@shkeeber: "Knock knock" Who's there? "Russia" Russia who? "Get out of the house. I live here now."
@Mikestanley1: [pulls up after first date] Me: well, this is my place Her: a bouncy house? Me: you expected a bouncy castle? IM SORRY "YOUR MAJESTY."