@Bmittone: A cop pulled me over and said 'papers' I said 'scissors' and drove off. I win.
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@WonderMonkey78: I love it when all my iPhone apps tremble in fear when I'm about to delete one of them. Makes me feel like God.
@bigmacher: #ItsTheEndOfTheWorldAnd I'm going to run with scissors and swim immediately after eating!!!
@nerdreign: Courtney Love thinks she found the plane. It's like God doesn't trust us to write our own jokes.