@Bmittone: A cop pulled me over and said 'papers' I said 'scissors' and drove off. I win.
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@slimmy_shady: Who the friggin hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere. You just let one into your home and it becomes your cat.
@LogicLaughs: That awkward moment you have long eye contact with someone who's really attractive, only cause it's too hard to walk away from the mirror.
@ShutUpThatsWho: Freddie Mercury: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me Chorus of Dads: HI JUST A POOR BOY, I'M DAD! SPARE HIM HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY
@QuinOShea: When my wife said let's do something fun for our anniversary I had no idea she meant together. I'm a man not a mind reader. I forgive you.