@TheMichaelRock: A coworker wouldn't stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
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@XplodingUnicorn: I told my 3-year-old the beans in her taco were chocolate jelly beans and she took 3 whole bites before she decided to never trust me again.
@noog: GET OVER HERE thunders across the bar as a harpooned rope impales a beautiful girl. The bartender smiles and shakes his head at Scorpion.
@AdamOfEarth: Roses are flowers, violets are flowers, I'd love you more if you had super powers.