@LoriLuvsShoes: A CW told me for the 50th time that her baby learned how to walk so I told her"if you really wanna impress me lmk when it learns how to fly"
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@spcycucumber: I've been eating this memory foam for weeks now and I can't even remember why I'm still eating memory foam
@SinfulShelly: I scare off men like I'm some kind of evil clown hiding in their closet. "I'm not a clown!" I shouted as I sniffed his sweater vest.
@LADaddy: The person who came up with "happily ever after" probably didn't realize humans would live longer than 34 years.
@EJGomez: me: can i have a coke waiter: is Pepsi ok? me: ya pepsi's fine pepsi: i have a boyfriend