@Aspersioncast: A dating site that connects Tupperware containers with lost lids.
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@JaneBadall: "I'd hit that." Clearly what my head thinks about cupboard doors and other hard surfaces when I least expect it.
@AbbyHasIssues: I would like to think money won’t change me, but I won $5 on a scratch-off lottery ticket and immediately bought name brand aluminum foil.
@5hael: *smashes car through your living room* Fancy meeting you here, have you been getting my text messages?
@iscoff: Local News: GREG JOHNSON, 41, ESCAPES BEING EATEN BY BEAR Bear News: FOOD NAMED GARG RUNS FROM LUNCHTIME