@Aspersioncast: A dating site that connects Tupperware containers with lost lids.
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@BackrowSeats: The get rich or die trying philosophy on life is going terribly one sided for me.
@TheCatWhisprer: Reached the age where I have to do like 150 healthy things every day just so it doesn't hurt when I burp.
@TheDailyManning: Dear girls, Santa saw your Facebook page, you're getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas.
@numbertze: I eat my pizza with a knife and fork because I am from a big family, and you need weapons to protect your food at all times