@pan_duh: a dating site that matches you with the perfect slice of cheesecake
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@shariv67: I wish my refrigerator would quit opening my bedroom door, staring at me, sighing and walking away.
@murfer28: I don't want to lock my account because I like to help my X's feel better about themselves when they check in & make sure I'm still a drunk.
@ItsAndyRyan: Interviewer: Is it true you are the first duck to be made a duke? Duck: Please address me as 'M'llard'