@pan_duh: a dating site that matches you with the perfect slice of cheesecake
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@NYC_Blonde: If someone specifies that you're book-smart and not street-smart or street-smart but not book-smart, they're calling you stupid.
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: you didn't use my shampoo again did you? ME: *shakes my head no but my lustrous hair gives me away*
@robdelaney: TEENS: You might find yourself "embarrassed" by certain things your body is doing, when in fact, you should be ashamed.
@Brianhopecomedy: My mother-in-law said that we should stay an extra day if it's too snowy to drive. SOMEONE LEND ME A SALT TRUCK.