@Beatonm5: ...a dentist on a toothpaste commercial with stethoscope around neck..., if my dentist started to listen to my heart I would freak out.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@squirrel74wkgn: [on first date] I'll have an iced tea, please. Waiter: Sure. Ummm...anything for the balloon with a woman's face drawn on it?
@TheCatWhisprer: Instead of a flask I keep a small kitten in my jacket pocket that I pull out for a quick pet whenever I need a pick-me-up.
@Royceda59: I bought condoms. Cashier asked if I needed a bag, I said no she's not that ugly RT @HeroinHadley:Tweet something inspirational. I need it.
@AnotherFunnyGuy: If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.