@omgthatspunny: A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.
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@LoriLuvsShoes: Cop:Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I'm pretty? Cop: No Me: Because I'm on Twitter? Cop: No Me: Officer I can do this all day
@wickedimproper: I'm so old I thought "stfu" was a reminder to pack my "shoes, tie, fedora, underpants."
@Prero22: I have a splitting headache today. Voldemort must be back from the dead and attempting to kill me.