@omgthatspunny: A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.
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@primawesome: If the CIA has my house bugged they've heard several impromptu songs about my dog being a good boy.
@DannyZuker: Pretty sure I know what my wife's getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
@P1ssed_K1d: My dog eats too much food and throws it up. EVERYDAY. I swear to God if she keeps this up, she's going to look amazing.
@hell_homer: words are just a big scam. they all just mean other words. so you keep on using even more and more words. that's how they get you.