@ozzyunc: A dog made of diamonds would be everyone's best friend.
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@houffy: *i get home riding a pig* Wife: Hey honey, how was the "Hog Riders" meeting? Me: *sighs* Pointless...this one was for motorcycles too.
@GrowlyGrego: "Bear with me for a minute." - Russian guy providing an airtight alibi for his criminal bear friend.
@o__0Dev: Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he’s being told where to deliver the ransom money.
@LADaddy: Keep in mind that "The Cat in the Hat" is a lesson to your kids on how to throw a house party when you're gone...