@ozzyunc: A dog made of diamonds would be everyone's best friend.
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@TheDairylandDon: I don't believe in Bigfoot; because he never believed in me. I'd scan the crowd at my ballet recitals, and always see that one empty seat.
@Notoliviasteel: Cop : HANDS IN THE AIR! Me: *drunk, starts flailing arms* Cop: NO, NOT LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE
@RobinMcCauley: Can't stop thinking about really disturbing things today, like what if they had called him Illinois Jones.