@ozzyunc: A dog made of diamonds would be everyone's best friend.
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@atanenhaus: Do other animals have signature tranquilizers, or are horses just especially stressed out?
@merrittk: cashier: youre so beautiful me: thank you! my brain: shes flattering u... to get u to buy more groceries...
@daemonic3: [1st day as IT guy] CUSTOMER: My laptop is down today, can you help? ME: I'll try [softly, to laptop] Cheer up, bud, everything will be ok