@phxguy88: A Facebook friend posted 8 pictures of himself fixing a lawnmower, so I drove over and shot him. It just felt like the right thing to do.
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@jwoodham: I can't make it tonight. There's a couple fighting at Target and the guy just started sarcastically clapping. I need to see where this goes.
@caseytduncan: Genie: You have 3 wishes. I don't want to run into spiderwebs anymore. That's it.... I'm done. You can keep the other 2 wishes.
@PoblicMenace: If using your 4yo as a remote control to fetch things makes you a bad parent, then I'm a bad parent... A bad parent with an ice cold beer.