@phxguy88: A Facebook friend posted 8 pictures of himself fixing a lawnmower, so I drove over and shot him. It just felt like the right thing to do.
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@Storminika: The only reason I watch political speeches is cause I'm hoping there's gonna be a sniper.
@beckyiniowa: My husband had to sign a form stating he understands his mother's cremation is nonreversible. I weep for our species.
@Ty_Schutz: Mailboxes were invented so you know how far away you can be in a robe before you look like a mental patient.
@AnniemuMary: I painted 1 room & then the hallway and room next to it looked kinda shabby and I'm guessing this is how plastic surgery gets out of hand.