@dafloydsta: A first date is probably the best time to show off your wicked hand puppet skills.
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@ThinkingSavage: I'm boycotting 50 Shades of Grey because it perpetuates the stereotype that men can change.
@AbrasiveGhost: INTERVIEWER: And why under skills did you put "has dominion over bees"? ME: [covered in bee stings] You can cross that one off
@TheMichaelRock: If we have learned anything from the Friday the 13th movies, it's that Jason mainly kills people having sex. Most of you should be good.
@briancthayer: Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the other losers who missed a 15 million square mile target.