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@PeachCoffin: A flock of dads is called a grill.
@mdob11: Men are like buses, they won't text me back.
@JamieDMJ: Is it just me or are the puzzles on The Guardian website really easy?
@platinum2000: You don't have to seduce me with restraining orders and joyrides on the hood of your car, you had me at. "No, I was waving at my friend."
@nbadag: WIFE: please come out of there so we can talk
ME: [from cardboard box] i'm sorry come out of where?
WIFE: [sigh] please exit the spacecraft
@girlontapas: The Internet lets the world instantly know my thought but...they can't make a microwave that I can put metal in.
Someone isn't trying.