@PeachCoffin: A flock of dads is called a grill.
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@EndhooS: GF: I'm leaving you Me: WHAT? WHY? GF: You're too afraid to take risks Me: [Softening Doritos under a tap before eating them] THATS BULLSHIT
@ArfMeasures: ME: *realises I've just stepped on an ant* oh no JOHN WICK: Has anyone seen my pet ant? ME: OH NO
@VerifiedDrunk: 2 Beers = 1 Tweet 5 Beers = 3 Tweets 9 Beers = 7 Tweets 12 Beers = 12 Tweets 24 Teers = 30 Beets