@13spencer: A Florida police dog is being fired after biting two people; but to be fair, who wouldn't want to hurt people from Florida?
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@ScottLinnen: We have a ghost. Came home and found the fridge magnets rearranged: "I see dreadful people."
@shaztaberry: Daughter: dad Im a lesbian Dad: Okay its cool 2nd daughter: dad I'm a lesbian too Dad: Does ANYone in this family like guys? Son: I do
@wickedsuga: DON'T TOUCH ME! AND YOU'RE BREATHING WRONG! STOP IT! -wives, on their period Or if they're hungry. Or if you are actually breathing wrong.
@NolaChef504: "You take pills because you're crazy" "No MOM, I take pills because they make me tolerant of crazy people that don't take pills"