@13spencer: A Florida police dog is being fired after biting two people; but to be fair, who wouldn't want to hurt people from Florida?
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@Velocycrator: Whenever I'm alone, I like to dig a hole in my backyard, remove all my clothes, go inside that hole and pretend that I'm a carrot.
@Karissajem: Husband just asked if I was too drunk to cook dinner. Ha! Does he think I'm some sort of amateur? *googles how to cover up burnt eyebrows*
@trevso_electric: Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won't understand how many calories are in it.