@HeatherLuvsYou: A foreign kid asked me how to speak English the other day, so I teached him some.
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@HousewifeOfHell: TEXTING 101 ME: Hi College son: ME: How are you? CS: ME: Are you still alive? CS: ... CS: CS: ME: I can cut off your phone CS: Hi Ma love u
@IvoryGazelle: Well, actually, FBI is not an acronym; it's an initialism, because you can't pronounce it as a word. Mom: This is why you have no friends.
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Turns out, you can live vicariously through anything if you try hard enough. Right now I’m a pumpkin being launched 1,000 feet across a field by a catapult at a Punkin Chunkin festival. Weeeee!
@Playing_Dad: Reporter: Is there anything you can do to make people hate you more? Rodger Goodell: Coldplay is doing the Super Bowl halftime show.