@HeatherLuvsYou: A foreign kid asked me how to speak English the other day, so I teached him some.
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@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, can you tell me a bedtime story? Me: Sure, once upon a time your mom & I used to get enough sleep. Then you came. The end.
@MarcusTheToken: I left some acorns in the spot where I killed a squirrel because I'm thoughtful. Also because a gang of squirrels burned a cross in my yard.
@RandomAntics: My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.