@gorrdano: A forest fire is the world's way of adding black trees to the forest community.
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@stockejock: Misery loves company, and apparently that's why my parents invite me over every Thanksgiving weekend.
@iinkedZombie: 5: Mommy said I'm a big boy and can't sleep in her bed anymore Me [sleeping on couch] she's right son
@Brianhopecomedy: *grabs knife, cuts forehead, lies on floor* Wife walks in: "WHAT HAPPENED?" "A burglar came in right when I was about to clean the house"