@Underchilde: A friend asked how I’d describe a hot air balloon, and I just told him it’s a lot like my ex, but with a basket.
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@MauriceBlitz: I'm convinced when squirrels run the road, nearly missing your car, it must be some kind of squirrel gang initiation.
@pinupteacher: Someone asked me if I'm ever scared that I'll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my dog was RIGHT THERE.
@NaaN_Conformist: Don't hate on Americans for not learning a foreign language. Hate on Americans for not learning English.
@River_Niles: We basically broke up with Pluto by saying it wasn't a planet anymore then spent 9yrs obsessing about it & just drove by its house real slow