@JohnLyonTweets: A friend is in jail and I can't help feeling partially responsible because I framed him for murder.
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@iliezabeth: REPORTER: how does it feel that ur tweet got like 0 favs? ME: it made me laugh so I dont think its so bad R: how does it feel 2 be wrong tho
@KeetPotato: [jim henson reveals kermit the frog for 1st time] me: jim: me: jim: me: jim: "what do you think?" me: "i mean have you ever seen a frog?"
@TheAdly: All the good ones are taken. All the funny ones are fat. All the smart ones are ugly. All the ones with all of the above are fictional.
@PaulyPeligroso: "Oh, hey! I didn't even recognize you!" means "I saw you and tried to avoid you, but here you are."