@jenstatsky: A frittata is just an omelette that studied abroad for a year in college.
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@JustDontBugMe: When I found out that my neighbour is scared of dogs I bought one And I have never seen him since.
@causticbob: I was thrilled when this beautiful girl came up and asked me for a date. Then I realised it was just because I work at a dried fruit stand.
@jonnysun: *stares at phone* why cant i sleep *puts phone face-up on bed, the screen brigtness bathes my room in a light mor powerfubl than the sun* oh
@NintenDom: It's Facebook's 10th birthday today. Let's all click "Maybe" on the event invite and then not show up.