@rolldiggity: A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else's, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
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@FknVancouver: My dog is so excited about me washing the car that I'm starting to think he borrows it while I'm asleep
@WheelTod: At a concert if the band asks "How's everyone feeling tonight" I'm like maybe we shouldn't have built our country on an Indian burial ground
@thecrabbyhook: My mother has now been sending me a Valentine's card for 28 years. She's persistent but I'm not interested.