@rolldiggity: A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else's, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
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@SouthernStylin1: 14 sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas" so I'm wearing hers because good moms listen
@PaperWash: me: just tell me I don't die in an Arby's bathroom stall Death: [sadly looking up from his book] look, what matters is how you lived
@markhoppus: For class, my son had to create his own mythological god. He created Chillux, the god of relaxation, whose house is full of hammocks.