@rolldiggity: A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else's, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
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@sweetandweak: I wear a neck brace to the gym because it makes my physical ineptitude less embarrassing.
@juanadog: Saw a sign on the highway that said "Kill or Injure a Road Worker: $7,500" but it doesn't tell me where to pick up the money...
@SteveSuckington: Do these jeans make me look fat? And don't cover your nose this time! -Pinocchio's girlfriend
@fatherofcomedy: People think i am so incapable of doing anything on my own that even if i commit suicide they would say it was murder.