@iwearaonesie: a fun thing to do if your wife leaves her fb open: post an argument you had but switch who said what and watch her friends agree with 'her'
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@AnOrangeSNES: Have you heard about the late great actor? "Wow, he's dead?" *Actor strolls in* Nope, just never on time.
@StarWarsProblms: Kylo Ren: Hey, why is my paycheck so low? General Hux: Damages. Maybe you should stop throwing temper tantrums with your lightsaber.
@joerogan: I know I spend too much time on my phone because I was reading a magazine and I just tried to enlarge the picture by spreading my fingers.
@TrickleVaryTea: Found my bra in the garden. Wish it was from wild sex but I think my cat dragged it out the cat flap.