@BigBagOfScum: A fun thing to do is comment "that ain't the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
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@LionJenkins: I measure my kids' ages in terms of percent complete out of eighteen years. My kids are 22% and 38%.
@petemandik: My first sexual experience occurred in the early 1800s when I was erotically swallowed by a whale.
@gwatts77: Facebook people don't like Twitter because they need picture illustrations to understand the joke.