@EndhooS: A fun thing to do when someone shows you a picture of their new baby is to look confused and just say "I don't get it?"
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@murrman5: [in a meeting] ok a Dracula movie except he's new in town and biting is illegal but he befriends the pastors daught- "that's just Footloose"
@Kendragarden: My mom just put a pic on Facebook that says, "Share if your daughter is beautiful AND smart." She tagged my sister.
@elle91: How to tell if you're wearing too much Axe: 1. Are you wearing Axe? No- Good. Yes- That's too much.
@iheartgunts: I'm actually kind of handsome when you're drunk and the light is low and there's no other dudes around and you have low standards.