@EndhooS: A fun thing to do when someone shows you a picture of their new baby is to look confused and just say "I don't get it?"
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@caperbc75: I feel bad for that caveman who invented the wheel because you know his mother-in-law was all "She shoulda married Grog. He invented fire"
@david8hughes: [steps off treadmill] "Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--" "Shall I call an ambulance?" "Please."
@Marlebean: Did you know stuffing your bra with toilet paper works pretty well... except when it rains.