@EndhooS: A fun thing to do when someone shows you a picture of their new baby is to look confused and just say "I don't get it?"
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@thegreatnanak: She: why are you dressed up as a duck? Me: did you know people feed ducks in the park?
@Ivsy01: (Writing in food journal) me: for lunch I had sa......... trainer: (interrupting) salad. awesome. me: sake.
@realHamOnWry: It just seems crazy that the final apocalypse could be started by a guy who says "You're fired" every time he launches a nuke.