@Book_Krazy: A fun way to make someone self conscious, is to put a nose hair trimmer in their grocery cart while maintaing full eye contact with them.
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@ItsAndyRyan: HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA VALUE YOUR FRIENDSHIP TOO MUCH TO RUIN IT WITH SEX. SURE, YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE, THEY JUST DON'T SEE YOU IN THAT WAY
@dafloydsta: [boarding plane] ME: Shotgun! COPILOT: Can he do that? PILOT: Looks like you're in economy today, Ted. COPILOT: *clenching fists* Damnit.
@dhumann: Apparently, Walt Disney was a secret FBI snitch for 26 years so I guess you could say he was a rat who was famous for drawing a mouse.
@ATorres2181: *walks in *wife is murdered *looks at mirror (Written in blood) YOUR NEXT "My next what? *from the closet "Oh sorry typo I meant you're.