@causticbob: A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@batkaren: I lovingly caress my belly. "You're expecting?" a woman asks. I smile serenely. "Just ate an amazing burrito," I tell her.
@jus4golf: Me: What's for dinner? Her: Chinese. Me: I will make the Duck Sauce. *catches duck *fires up juicer
@TheTweetOfGod: I am not a parody account. I am The Lord thy God, King of the Universe, and I am communicating by Twitter because My fax is broken.
@remmarg_yelsel: With Instagram's new video function, we will now be able to hear the quacks from all the duck faces.