@hellohappy_time: A girl started to drink barbecue sauce like it was water and I just stood there and watched because I haven't been trained for this
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@SteveSuckington: "Ok, identify the noun in this sentence. Timmy is stupid." Timmy: stupid? "Exactly"
@skickwriter: Me: He said he likes mac-n-cheese better the way his mom makes it. Female judge: Case dismissed!
@UncleDuke1969: [runs into old friend] FRIEND: How are the kids? ME: Good. Both out of the house now. FRIEND: You feeling “empty nest syndrome?” ME: What’s that? FRIEND: Sad and lonely because they’re gone. ME: *snort laughs*