@bestlizard: A girl who bullied me in junior high just friended me on Facebook. Her three kids are named after trees. I win.
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@occupied_stall: I just saw a woman walk out of the pizza place with 8 large pizzas. Stay with me I'm gonna live stream my proposal..
@gorrdano: If you're going to attack me in an @, you better be prepared to give me like three hours or so to think of a good comeback.
@DaddyJew: Me: sleep before the monsters get you 7: monsters aren't real M: you sound like your brother 7: brother? M: I've said too much already