@moose_chocolate: A GoFundMe, so I can buy an avocado.
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@oakhillbargrill: Him: 'Sorry Mr Hill, no last minute call from the Governor. Any last words?' Me: -whimpering 'She squeezed the toothpaste from the middle'
@Matt_The_1st: I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
@XplodingUnicorn: My 4-year-old is playing doctor with her baby dolls. She walked by a minute ago holding just a leg. Surgery didn't go well.