@moose_chocolate: A GoFundMe, so I can buy an avocado.
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@briangaar: Son, that bear is more afraid of you than you are of ... oh wow, that bear is being really brave right now.
@teacup_giraffe: Walk up to the guy with a popped collar and spiked hair & say "What's up, Chad?" & he'll be all "Whoa... How'd you know my name, bro?"
@ComedyCentral: "If anyone has any reason Kim & Kanye should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace." -Taylor Swift's moment of revenge