@moose_chocolate: A GoFundMe, so I can buy an avocado.
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@dafloydsta: BOSS: We need to improve morale ME: Okay BOSS: How about an office party? ME: [crosses out "replace coworkers with puppies"] I guess
@SteveSuckington: You drop ONE baby and everyone's all like, "Quit juggling babies Steve. You're the worst babysitter ever!"
@flashember: ME: I'm so happy, I could treat a horse! WIFE: *sighs* That's not a saying [spoon-feeding ice cream to horse] Don't listen to her Mr Butters