@iamchrisscott: A good comeback when someone doesn't believe you're a time traveler is "Yeah well nobody cried at your funeral."
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@TheMichaelRock: Don't be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
@Robert_Beau: The boss accused me of taking a drink during lunch, but he is completely mistaken, I paid for all three of them.
@thatUPSdude: I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".
@DaveTheAlbino: I always wanted to be just like Flo Rida. That's why I changed my name to "New Ham Sure"