@iamchrisscott: A good comeback when someone doesn't believe you're a time traveler is "Yeah well nobody cried at your funeral."
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@MamaFlores: 5yo slooowly walks by: "Hi, mom and dad." 4yo slooowly walks by: "Hi, mom and dad." CODE RED CODE RED
@sarcasticmommy4: If you're not sure about having kids, have someone say "Mom!" 100 times before 7am & see if it's right for you.
@iwearaonesie: wife's facebook post: so proud of 8, he's trying so hard in school! mama loves you! wife's text to me: he failed gym. gym!! i need a drink
@stephenjmolloy: CEO of KFC: "We must always respect our customers. That is so important." Ian: "Shall we still serve them food in a bucket?" CEO: "Yes."