@VodkaShorebird: A good way to help you determine who to weed out of your life is probably by how someone pronounces "coyote".
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@CulturedRuffian: Me: I wonder why I don't have any friends and can't seem to find anyone to date. Also me:
@pauleggleston: Security Guard: Can I see your ID card? Me: *flashes card quickly* SG: Show me your card again. Me: Bit weird, but OK... *flashes cardigan*
@verycozy: Im sorry, but you only have two weeks to live *slides the doctor a five dollar bill* Ooooh make that 3 weeks buddy *winks at loved ones*
@sageboggs: The Commandments 1) def don't kill 2) no stealing, obvs 3) don't say my name? idk 4) luv ur neighbs! 5) but don't LOVE-love them, that's bad