@rolldiggity: A good way to make a car dealer uncomfortable is to say, "Tell me if you can hear this," and then get in the trunk and start screaming.
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@david8hughes: [date] Me: you wanna see what desserts they have? Wife: how about we go home & I'll let you- Me [calls waiter]: what desserts do u have?
@MatMarcotte12: I don't normally shit with the door open but I don't want to miss the in flight movie
@markedly: MANAGER: You're hired! The pay is $200 per hour, plus benefits. The first thing you need to do is make a phone call to-- ME: I quit
@EndhooS: boss: have you been here all night? me: [jumps awake at my desk] uh, yeah. boss: trouble at home? me: there's a seagull standing on my car