@paulablu22: A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
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@skullpuppy11: My neighbours probably think I'm getting laid, but these are just the sounds I make whenever I take my socks off.
@EvilSchwartzie: The police get mad at you if you try to marry a squirrel. Even if you're pretty sure it's a girl squirrel.
@mommy_cusses: My husband coughing the moment I got the baby to sleep is why spouses are the number one suspect in homicide cases.
@NourHadidi: Arguing with your parents is like trying to explain how to download music from iTunes to a plant.