@VaguelyFunnyDan: A gorgeous woman's been staring me down from across this cafe for an hour. The wildly handsome man directly behind me must be super jealous.
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@doktorj: Me: "Can you go back four slides?" Bride: "To the wedding dress?" Me: "No, the cheese plate." Me: Wipes tears.
@WilliamAder: Drove a wedge of suspicion today between the fast food employee at the first window and the one at the second.
@Carbosly: I like to write all my death threat letters in Comic Sans. I find it lightens the mood.