@AbbyHasIssues: A group of crows is called a murder. A group of people walking slowly in front of me at the store is called a motive.
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@liv_thatsme: Just locked eyes with a spider, but instead of killing him, I ran away & hid so he can spend the whole night stressing about where I am.
@JediGigi: Me: [I run into the break room at work] You! You have summoned me! I am here. Coworker: What? Me: You just summoned me. I heard you. Coworker: I opened a can of Spaghettios. Me: Yes.
@matt___nelson: [getting escorted out of zoo] "I just wanted to see if the panda knew kung fu like in the movie"
@Pork_Chop_Hair: John Lennon: Here I stand head in hand, Turn my face to the wall— Me: um, it’s fine if you just count to 20 while we hide