@mrtruthandsoul: A group of guys with ponytails is called a flock of Steven Seagulls
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@murrman5: *A group of cannibals eating a pie* This is amazing, what did you do different? "Well, I used fresh Barry's"
@MommaUnfiltered: There is nothing quite as genuine as hearing from a friend you haven't seen in forever and finding out she sells Avon now.
@PJTLynch: *wife sees me crying* Her: What's going on? Me: The kids gave me this *holds up Dad Is #1 mug* W: That's sweet H: Sweet? They think I'm pee!