@mrtruthandsoul: A group of guys with ponytails is called a flock of Steven Seagulls
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@JohnLyonTweets: My rum-raisin cake is gluten free. It's also raisin free. And cake free. OK it's just rum.
@Elizasoul80: I don't blame sharks. If someone walked into my house and started splashing around in my bath, I'd bite their leg off too.
@DurtMcHurtt: [Sahara desert] Me: *shares canteen* Companion: *holds it to his mouth but nothing comes out* Me: it's ketchup, you have to wait a bit.
@SirEviscerate: ME: I was left in the woods as a baby. DATE: So, were you raised by wolves? ME: Not exactly. *gnaws a tree in half*