@mrtruthandsoul: A group of guys with ponytails is called a flock of Steven Seagulls
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@Travon: "Hey Hillary what color do you think this dre-- never mind" - Bill Clinton scrolling through Twitter last night
@TheTweetOfGod: The Vatican just deleted all the Pope's tweets. Because NO ONE denies reality like the Catholic Church.
@dshack8: Wonder why my son doesn't want me to walk him to the bus stop? Maybe I'd better unhook one of the straps on my overalls like the cool kids.
@Branka_R: My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...