A group of guys with ponytails is called a flock of Steven Seagulls

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@mrtruthandsoul: A group of guys with ponytails is called a flock of Steven Seagulls

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@MunkMania: 3: Who's that on your shirt? Me: Yoda, from Star Wars. 3: I don't like him. Me: YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@dafloydsta: NURSE: What's your blood type? ME: Oh, I'm not picky. I'll drink any kind. NURSE: What? ME: What?

@OhNoSheTwitnt: Saying Trump can't be an antisemite because his daughter converted to Judaism is like saying he can't be sexist because he married a woman.

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@EricaWhoToYou: Husband: I’d rather sleep in the guest room than suffer another night on your new heated mattress pad. Me: Wait. I’m getting my own room???

@themiltron: [the invention of knocking] i'm gonna punch your house until you talk to me

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