@WheelTod: A guy I know got bitten by a radioactive bedbug. He spent 3 weeks in a coma, but when he came round again he was able to fold a fitted sheet
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@squirrel74wkgn: [at Doctor's office] "When's the last time you had sex?" Last night. "With a male or female?" Oh...with another person?
@XplodingUnicorn: [out in public] Me: A kid is crying. Wife: It's not one of ours. [we fist bump]
@jbillinson: Biden: I think if we just leave a small- Obama: No Biden: Just a small Mouse Trap inspired- Obama: No booby traps, Joe