@k_lli: A guy was honking at a car ahead of him to speed up at 6AM so I followed him bc his job must be amazing if he's that excited to get to work.
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@CloydRivers: If you plant a block of ramen noodles in the ground and water it with cold ones every day, it will grow into a college kid. It's science.
@Billhenry16: I buried a time capsule when I was 9. This is the year we are going to dig it up. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got.
@Sassafrantz: Don't date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
@internetluke: [plane] "Is there a doctor on board?" Im a doctor "Okay quick the passenger is having a heart att- Of fine arts "What?" Doctor of Fine Arts