@k_lli: A guy was honking at a car ahead of him to speed up at 6AM so I followed him bc his job must be amazing if he's that excited to get to work.
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@TheDairylandDon: Real men don't need guns. One time I beat a burglar to death with a sleeve of Ritz crackers and used the crumblings for a casserole crust.
@Gooooats: *standing by the turntables at the club* Her: are you the dj? Me: wha?... Oh, no, I was hoping this was a crepe station
@DraggingFeeties: The hardest part of making new friends is weeding out the people who just want to sell you leggings.
@3sunzzz: My son turns 18 today. I bought him a set of luggage for his birthday. Too forward? Maybe it's too forward.