@koala_hugs: a gymnast walks into a bar. she is immediately given a 0.0 and disqualified from Olympic trials. you're supposed to jump OVER the bar, idiot
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@Celestinelea90: Her: You know when you're craving a cheeseburger but you order a salad instead... Me: (wiping ketchup off my face with my sleeve) No.
@theshamingofjay: Just realized why my Grandpa called his sideburns thigh ticklers Excuse me guys while I go walk in front of a bus
@GlennyRodge: My bear's diarrhoea problems are starting to worry me. The vet says he's getting better but he's not out of the woods yet.
@BarryVonAwesome: If you own a karate dojo and you don't make your employees answer the phone "Hiiiiiiiiya" You're doing it wrong