@koala_hugs: a gymnast walks into a bar. she is immediately given a 0.0 and disqualified from Olympic trials. you're supposed to jump OVER the bar, idiot
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@bergified: Send me your home address and I'll mail you a personal drawing of your favorite animal as long as its a buffalo.
@stephenjmolloy: Waiter: "I'm afraid your credit card has been declined." Me: "Try this one." W: "This is a blood donor card." M: "Take as much as you need."
@SequelsWeWant: Inside Out 2: The girl enters puberty. Her emotions get out of control. She goes Goth. Sadness murders the other emotions in their sleep
@awesomeseank: Evidently, trying to schedule parent/teacher conference over drinks and "we'll see what happens" is considered inappropriate.