@VerifiedDrunk: A heart-shaped pizza just means less pizza and that's not a sacrifice I'm willing to make for love.
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@underchilde: There’s a manual somewhere that warns against scorning women, but when has a man ever read one of those?
@AnkCoupleTO: Me: *takes her shirt off & sees a padded bra* whoa Her: I'm so sorry, are you upset? M: *pulls a salami out of my shorts* let's call it even
@dwaghalter: "What if a third team came and attacked these two teams?" - my daughter, not understanding football/making football more awesome