@VerifiedDrunk: A heart-shaped pizza just means less pizza and that's not a sacrifice I'm willing to make for love.
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@UncleDuke1969: Kids today have it easy! In the old days, before smartphones & Instagram, by the time we finished the painting, our food was already cold.
@primawesome: Wait what do you mean Jesus loves me? Did he say something to you? OMG I'm freaking out right now tell me his exact words.
@Playing_Dad: "POLICE, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP." Show me a badge. *cop gets badge out* I didn't say Simon Says. "Let's go home guys. Sorry, my fault."