@krishna_van: A horse, a penguin and a chimp walked into a bar and that's when I realised I was drunk.
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@KevinFarzad: What's being in love feel like? You know when someone cancels plans you wanted to cancel anyway? Almost as good as that.
@WilliamAder: Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.
@xlpaws: I hate it when people show up at MY house, knock on MY door, and then ask me why I'm not wearing pants.
@longwall26: No self-respecting murderer is going to have the patience to stand there for the twenty or thirty hours it'll take me to dig my own grave.