@Bob_Janke: A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face and he says it's so when I'm eating prairie grasses I can see predators
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@WittySassBasket: I held up a fist for a CW to bump and she kissed my ring. I am now drunk on power and no one is allowed to make eye contact.
@tomw1984: I'm off work next week so I'm gonna throw this knife at a map, where it lands I go. *throws knife, misses map.* Space, I'm going to space
@jonmsutton: Sometimes I regret teaching my children an evidence-based approach to life #FathersDay
@RoosterMustache: "Wow this pizza is amazing" Yes, well it's our specialty dough. We soak it in pickle juice. Dill pickle juice actually. It's a dilldough