@MeredithFrost: A huge thanks to the person that did this
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@mortimermaiden: I'm peacefully fishing when I notice a ham sandwich on the seat beside me. I pick it up and am dragged to the deep as a salmon reels me in.
@sliver_of: I’ve been buying men’s hoodies for years for myself. It’s all about skipping the middle man.
@iAmDelFreaky: Mom: Any big plans today? Me: Yes, of course, my friend is coming over and... Mom: The mail doesn't come on Sundays. Me: Oh, then no. :'(
@MrAdamBez: I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover. ... Wait.