@Coolisiana: *a jerk tries to punch me but I catch it perfectly in my mouth and swallow him whole like a snake*
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@Sean_Burgundy_: I just want a woman that will look out for me while I'm shaking the vending machine
@tsm560: Me: I really don't have any bad habits to speak of. Her: So you have no bad habits? Me: No, I have plenty! Just none I'd want to speak of.
@eliyudin: I spent so much time bowling as a kid that the first time I fingered a girl I accidentally threw her down the hallway
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: Dad, can you make the rain go away? Me: Someone more powerful than me controls the weather. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Mom?