@Coolisiana: *a jerk tries to punch me but I catch it perfectly in my mouth and swallow him whole like a snake*
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@kcmoore51: [sanitation worker knocks at my door] The amount of McDonald's related trash we're collecting from your home each week has us concerned.
@mountainlex: I'm always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
@geniusindisgize: If you thought the Dalai Lama giggled alot, then you obviously never met the Mwahaharajah