@frenchielaboozi: a lady was like "can you believe he's 14 months old already" and i am like you know what i can cause you post a pic of him every single day
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@NakedHangover: If it's true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
@MomofTeen: When emails tell me to "Act Now!," I immediately start reciting lines from Shakespeare.
@TheDjinnTrials: Customer: Why do you own a hot dog stand when you draw and write? Me: Wanna buy my book? Them: No. Me: That's why I own a hot dog stand.