@qwertying: A Little girl asked her father: Do all fairy tales begin with Once upon a time? Father: No, some begin with - If elected I promise..
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@Hadzilla: At the last supper Jesus was probably like it would be way more comfortable for everyone if some of you sat on the other side of the table
@FeralCrone: 4yo son said the word prototype. When I asked him what it meant, he said "People are a prototype" and I was too scared to ask what he meant.
@KyleMcDowell86: I don't like using the locker room at the gym cuz the guys always stare when they notice my gym bag is filled with lasagna
@wolfpupy: hello secretary? i need you to go to that website where you can combine pokemon and combine mew and squirtle, print it out and bring it here