@chuuew: A local man died after a shelf full of routers fell on him.
It was an unexpected LAN slide.
@Dutch_50: Headline: "Russian Jet Shot Down by Turkey"
My 1st thought was, "Holy shit the bird has gone Rambo." I must have Thanksgiving on my mind.
@RadOrDie: Give the chick a break. Kristen Stewart TOTALLY looks sorry. Or happy. Or sad. Or constipated.
@filmbizpro: Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.
@CulturedRuffian: Hey waiters-I don't ever 'save room for dessert', I just stuff it in there and pray to God I don't have an accident.
@OtherDanOBrien: [God creating me]
And then we sprinkle in just a touch of anxiety
[the lid pops off and the whole jar spills in]
[God shrugs] He'll be fine