@Tmoney68: A lot of things can be preserved in alcohol. My dignity is not one of them.
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@weinerdog4life: When one door closes another door opens, pretty sure my house is haunted, I sleep on the porch
@egg_dog: dunno what the best part of this is? being called 'jack sexty' or getting an award for shitting on exercise equipment
@amydillon: [sits next to friend in a coma, holding her hand] "Squeeze once if that's an 8 at the end of your HBO Go password."