@U_Want_Shum_M8: A man drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how a Mercedes bends
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@_mcgoof: Pizza places should give away free pizza car air-freshners. Within 5seconds of sitting in your car, you WILL crave pizza.
@LoverOfComics94: One day she says "Treat me like a princess," the next she's pissed that I married her off in exchange for an alliance with Spain. Women...
@BlackCatBettie: What's faster than the speed of light? A female untagging herself from an unflattering photo.
@DanMentos: Ben Carson is my favorite candidate whose name sounds like a Transformer explaining to his kid why he hasn't seen him much lately