@DirtMcTurd: A man started choking in the line at Wendys today. Luckily the manager jumped into action... And opened another register
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@sucittaM: If the US ever decides to change its currency from the dollar to the unmatched tupperware lid I'll be a very wealthy man.
@rockymomax: I have good news & bad news "bad news 1st" I died youre talking to a ghost "OMG & the good news?" I broke the world record for eating bees
@PhuckinCody: ME: Let's go get some chicks [later] FRIEND: This isn't what I had in mind ME: Shhh *carefully places tophat on baby chicken* this is Abe