@DirtMcTurd: A man started choking in the line at Wendys today. Luckily the manager jumped into action... And opened another register
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@RatBatallion: If you're having a bad day , just remember ... All of you are funnier than Dane Cook .
@PinkCamoTO: Interviewer: So why did you leave your last job? Me: Someone found out my birthday and decorated my cubicle with balloons.
@jjhartinger: To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
@OfficeofSteve: Instead of cursing and swearing when someone cuts me off in traffic, I just yell lyrics from Spice Girl songs out the window