@DirtMcTurd: A man started choking in the line at Wendys today. Luckily the manager jumped into action... And opened another register
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@ewfeez: The best thing about being Bane has gotta be that he can just slice a hardboiled egg straight into his pie hole
@thepunningman: [date] Clark Kent: I propose a toast *they take their glasses off the table* Lois Lane: omg it's Supertable!
@DirtMcTurd: Just reported a car stolen because the people inside are black and the stick figures on the window were white
@ruinedpicnic: Neil Armstrong: now where did I park my car? [presses key button] [tiny orange light flashes on the moon] god dammit